Ranting

Wow, I didn't realize that I titled 2 of my last blogs the same thing. Thats crazy.

Any way, I am just writing to vent. Ive been in a somewhat "blah" mood today. I have been so motivated to getting healthy, watching what I eat, and doing work as Big Black would say, and it seems for what? For nothing? To attract the girl of my dreams whom I haven't found? I feel very low right now. Just grab that sledgehammer from the corner and knock me the crap out. I am a shell of my self right now. More today than other days I am feeling lonely. It looks like all the people I know are all in relationships and I am the only one here who is single. I know I probably won't feel like this for long, but today seems appropriate. Its a Monday and I really do not want to be here right now. I just want to go to bed and close my eyes. Why can't I find that one girl that I can love and be with for ever. Where is my story book ending? Where is my girl I save just as the end credits start rolling? I really doubt that this will happen in my lifetime. I just dont feel really positive right now. I am just blah right now. It sucks and I dont want to talk it anymore. This day is zapping my energy. I don't want to try anything. Just point me to the end of the road and I'll be happy. Life is a up and down ride and I am definitely on the down side. Sorry if you read this and feel bad for me. Don't! I am just venting. Something has to change for my life to get better. Someone asked me if I was happy. I was but who knows now. If I close my eyes I can see her right next to me but I can not make out who she is or what she looks like. I deserve to be happy right? I've done my part. I have helped people. I am a good person. DO i deserve some type of happiness??