My weekend

This weekend was a great weekend. Well, first on sat I had to work, but that was ok. After work, D was supposed to come by and kick it with me. She came by, met my mom and we went over to my aunt's house to watch the fight. It was an ok fight. but what was really surprising was the fact that D got along with my family. Wow she is really cool. When she first met my mom on sat, my mom said to her, hi, welcome and make yourself at home. Wow that was the first time that I ever heard my mom sat that to any of the ladies I brought home, whether they were friends or gfs. That was crazy. Then on Sunday D, went to church with me. That was cool. I kind of explain some stuff to her. I hope she didn't feel uncomfortable. After that we were supposed to meet up with Melissa for lunch but that didnt happen. So we ended up going home, eating left over breakfast and taking a nap. We met Melissa for dinner. That was good. After dinner we came home and laid back on the bed and watch some tv. We watched CSI till we passed out!! haha. Today, we had a nice morning, woke up late and didnt really eat lunch until 1230. after that we chilled for a little bit watched more CSI then D went home. It is hard to spend time with her and just watch her leave. But I know that I will get to see her next weekend. I really care about her and I was glad that her and my family go together and had a great time! ok well thats all for now. I'll be back soon.

Still here...

Well I am still here alive and kicking. I know that it has been awhile since I have written. A lot has been going on. My relationship to Miss D is going swimmingly. Since I last wrote, we have been to SF, LV, and Riverside together. haha Yah, I know riverside is not that far away, but if you have ever driven there....then you know the pain. Stupid 2 lanes of traffic with 1 carpool lane. I am still looking for a job. Yup, it is that time of the year where no one will answer my emails or calls...I have to search for more jobs or to re-evaluate my work life. I am sitting on money that has been set aside for other things. I have sent in phones for money so that is good. I won't get the money till the end of Sept or beginning of Oct but its all good. Hopefully things will get better from here on out. I am waiting on a job from Wamu...yah, I know its not that big of a jump..but it is a start. I'll have to work there for a year, then I'll be put in a management training program. From there I can move to other locations of the branch. So hopefully things will pan out for me there. If not, or while I am waiting to see whats going on, I have been hitting the internet running, looking for jobs or what not. If anyone reads this and knows of a job opening let me know. I'll buy you dinner or something after I get paid.

I have been neglecting my friends for a while. Not that I am intentionally doing that, it is just that I am lazy and things dont work out the way it should. I hope to one day get my structure back and be on top of things. Right now, D has suggested that I make my own structure. So I will try and do that. For her, but mostly for me. She has been a great supporter and a strong solid rock. I love her for that. She is kind and understanding. How the crap did I get so lucky in finding a girl like this? Man...Thank you!!!

Ok well I am kind of tired so I will be heading off to bed. Hopefully I will have more stuff to write about. Good night and good luck. Take care all.

-One

Not Sure What 2 Do

A little over 2 more weeks here at my current job before I am let loose to run a mock in the streets of LA. But what am I going to do? I really do not know. I have friends who are helping me search for jobs and I love the help. But lets face it. My skill sets arent that impressive and the lack of jobs with my skills sets are lacking. I am getting frustrated and scared. I have been down this road before but I really do not want to go down this road again. I have applied and sent out resumes to all these places. Not a lot of call backs, if any. I think I am losing hope. I want to have a career where I can make money to support myself and do the things I want to do but to also support or at least have fun with my girl without worrying about money. If I could just win the lottery or have someone just give me some money that would be great. I feel like I am not man enough to be with D just because of my current situation. She deserves a lot and I want to provide that for her...but I do not know how...blah Please let me find a good paying job and have this burden lifted from my shoulders....

Well Hell.....and other Junk

Well I finally had a talk with my boss. We talked about my last day and how far they can afford to keep me on. So my last day for anyone who is ready this is Aug 10th. Which is a Friday. I have a good 2 weeks or so left for me to collect money for work, and finally turn in on those coins that I have been organizing and selling all those phones that I have in my drawer. Why? Well so that I can have some money coming in for the month of August. I have been sending out resumes for positions that I am suited for. Location wise, I was sending most of them out to the OC area. I wanted to move down there and room with Marc and also to be closer to my gf. But after a talk with the lady last night we decided or she helped me get some perspective, that I should look for something closer to my home first. I am staying at home so I don't have to pay rent. This way, I can save enough money to get a place out there. Or at least wait until Marc get his new place. Then maybe find a good job out there, save some money and move to my own place. But this is still a long ways away. I created a budget for myself but I haven't used it yet. I had some loose ends to tie up first. I actually still just have 1 more lose end and then I can finally start budgeting myself. Too bad the job is ending and I wont have money to budget. This is where the sending in of cell phones and the turning in of my coinage comes to play. I'll have some money to kick around for the latter parts of Aug and maybe the begining of Sept.

On a lighter side, this weekend was crazy fun. Sat I woke up early and went to visit my girl at her recycling gig. She is helping the enviroment while helping her non profit. Thats hella cool. Also, it allowed me to finally get rid of a monitor that my mom wanted to get rid of for a while. Once I got there I dropped off the monitor and was waiting for her to get done. The original plan was to pick her up, go have lunch with her friends and then go to Irvine to get the room. Well, it turned out she had to stay and help. She called off the lunch and I, not having a place to go, decided to stay and help her out. I was moving monitors and computers just like I used to do at LMU. That was fun. Who knew moving computers would be so enjoyable. But it was. I kicked it with my girl and met her brother and her "boyz." But wait..there's more. There was a line of cars waiting to drop off some equipment so I was trying to get D to come with me because she was filling out the clients info. Well she was standing there with an older couple. I left to go unload the truck and when I came back she quietly told me that those were her parents. So, calming myself down, she moved to them so that she can introduce them to me. I took off my sunglasses and shook both of their hands. I stayed by them for a little bit and they were talking. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. They left and we said our good byes. So this was number 1 meeting with parents..haha

I rented a hotel room for Sat night just because I didn't want to drive home at night so late. Last time I did that I was falling asleep. After the drive, her and I went to go check into the hotel. It was pretty cool. A nice king size bed with free cookies. We chilled and talked and rested. It was very enjoyable. After that we had to get ready to go out because Marc and Flo had a dinner for their birthday in Santa Monica. The dinner was fun. I had a great time. She met most of my friends that evening. It was an enjoyable experience especially since D was with me. I usually go by myself to these things, but going with someone is WAAAAAYYY better!! haha After dinner we headed back to the hotel where we crashed for the night.

Sunday it felt good waking up next to her. Someone to kick you in the butt to wake you up! haha j/k. But it was nice. I guess I fell back to sleep because the last thing I remember was her getting out of bed going to the bathroom. When I woke up She was sitting up watching tv, with a Starbucks coffee in her hand. I was like.."WTF!!" to myself. How long have I been out!! haha But it was hella nice. She bought me a cup of coffee too. How many guys can say that their girl got up, and went and brought back coffee for herself and for her guy. I have always been an advocate for the little things..and let me tell you. This was very significant to me. Since no one has ever done something like that for me. I think I like her even more now!!

Once the blood was flowing we got packed and headed out. We were going to the OC Fair. We met up with my sister and her family and gave them the tickets that D bought. Man she is hella cool. After that we went to visit her friend because he had gotten us some ride tickets. Once we got there we ate lunch and ran into my sister. We kicked it with her for a while, then we ventured off on our own. We took some cute Black and white photos from a photobooth. Then we walked around and met up with marc and flo. We chilled with them for the rest of the day. It was fun. Especially since I wasn't alone. It is a good feeling to go to a park or public place with someone you truly care about. And I truly care about D. She means the world to me. I really can't wait to bring her into the fold, that is my life!

After the fair we sat in my car and talked. We took pictures and talked some more. Then I slowly made my way to her place. Kissed her good night and watched her walk to her house. I miss her. And I miss her more since we spent a whole weekend together. Imaging if we some how went on vacation and spent more than 5 days with each other. That would be killer. To spend as much time as we did, then go back to not seeing them for a few days and seeing them on the weekend. But as long as I get to see her its all good. I can honestly say she is the one and I could totally see myself spending the rest of my life with her...but we shall see. We'll be taking it slow.

As for today, Its monday. I updated my myspace with pics. Yes I am showing her off!! So sue me!! Other than that, it was sending out resumes one after another. Well my parents do not know of what has transpired last week in regards to my job. Today will be the first time I will see them, so wish me luck. I will be telling them tonight!! Scared!!

What a Week and its not Friday yet!!

So where do I begin. It is not even Friday and this week has been hella hectic. Monday was ok, just your average typical day. Tues was going well also. Thought, "Yup just another day here at work." Boy was I in for a surprise. That afternoon, the boss comes into my office. Asks if we could talk. I said sure, so he goes and closes the door. I am thinking..wtf is going on. So he sits down and tells me why he opened this position in the first place. He said that he calculated a lot of administrative / project tasks that were going to be piling up at the office. So he hires me to take care of these items. However, the tasks / items never come and I usually just sit at my desk, field 1 phone call a day and reply to some emails that come my way. Other than that, I was just sitting on my butt doing nothing. The boss realizes this said that the he has realized that his estimation of the work flow was miscalculated and that in essence he was paying me to do nothing. In that sense he was correct. So he kindly let me know that he would be releasing me from my position. There has not been a set date yet, but I am assuming the date will come sooner than later. He let me know that I was free to use the computer to send out resumes and look for jobs. So that is what I have been doing this week.

Wed after applying to several jobs online, I decided that I really needed a break from this madness that was going on in my head. So I asked the boss if I could go visit my recruiter and take a half day. He said yes, so I drove down to Irvine. There I met up with marc and flo and had some jamba juice with them. I kicked it with them for a little bit, but my main purpose for my trip was to visit the girl I am talking to. So I know the address of her work, mapquested it from Marc's computer and began my journey. Well, the map was wrong, I got lost, and frustrated and finally found my bearings after a few mins. Well I got there in time before she left for home. I went to one window and asked for the Student accounts area. The lady pointed me in the direction but before I left to go see her, who should pop out of some office and call my name? No other than the girl I was talking to. She asked me what I was doing here. Told her I was here to surprise her..but I guess that didn't work since she saw me! haha. Next time I'll know where to go!! From there, I met one of her best friends, then she showed me around her work area where I was met by a majority of her friends. COOL!! Surprise her and meet almost all of her friends. Killed 5 birds with one Visit!! YAY!! She walked me around her campus and showed me her life inside of work.

Once she got out of work, we drove our cars to her place to drop off her car and we just cruised down her area. We were supposed to meet up with Marc and Flo after he got off of work so we had some time to chill. She directed me to a nice park that had a pond and ducks swimming about. We found a graffiti ed rock and I sat down followed by her. We just stayed there, talking, holding her with my arms. I treasured that moment. Then we had to stand up, mainly myself because that rock made my butt numb!! haha So as we were standing together my arms wrapped around her body, I whispered in her ear, will you be my girl friend. She thought for a few seconds and said Ok. So I hope she meant yes!! haha So ya, It is official we are now a couple! YAY!! After some quick kisses and hugs, we went back to the car and headed to the restaurant to meet up with Flo and Marc. When we got there they hit it off really well. We were talking and laughing. I believe it was good times for all. After dinner we parted ways and my girl and I just parked our car and talked for a while. Man I love being with her. She makes me happy. After I drove her to her car, I followed her home and watched her go into the house. From there, I drove home. I felt ok on the way home, but I guess I was kind of tired so I found myself kind of dozing off while on the freeway. Thank goodness I got home safely. Next time, I will be drinking an energy drink.

On the way home, my friend called me. She told me her dad had passed away. I hope I was there for her when she needed me. I knew her father. He was a good man with a good heart. He will be missed greatly.

So that is what has happened this week all before Friday. Today, I spent the day sending out emails with my resumes to potential employers. So hopefully they will call back. Actually one person has called back but we are playing phone tag. She said she has a position in Purchasing and Product Management. So thats good. Hopefully we can hook up today. As for lunch, we are waiting to go out. We just need the prospective developer to leave...and there she goes!! hehe Going to lunch!!

Ok well I am back from lunch. Looks like D, thats my girl!!, took the rest of the day off to study. Good luck hun!!



As for me, I guess I better start looking for some more jobs. Man I need to get a new job. I guess my end of days is coming sooner than expected.

Surf Naked

Well I am here till about 6pm today making up an hour that I didn't work yesterday as I took it off to visit my very beautiful female friend. Any who, I was perusing the net for a rash guard or something so that I can wear it when I go swimming. Its pretty cool. This way I can go swimming without the fear of getting sunburn. Any way, I got two of these items plus a cool trucker hat that says, SURF NAKED!! though I do not know how to surf, it just felt right you know?

In regards to that very beautiful female friend, I am liking her every time I see her and talk with her. I don't want to alarm anyone, but she could be the one..haha But that is for us to see in the future. I don't want to rush into things. So wish me luck. Ok 20 mins left. Going to surf naked on the web!! ONE!!

Amazing

Ok Well I guess I will post again. Like it is a chore for me to post a blog. I love posting it is just a matter of overcoming my laziness. So, what has been going on? Well let me break it down:

This Friday is the viewing for my godfather/uncle. Attending: Yes.

This Sat is the actual funeral for my godfather/uncle. Attending: Yes.

This Sun is a family gathering at my sister's house for those who flew in for the wedding. Attending: Yes.

So my weekend is kind of full. Family stuff. You know its weird that certain events bring families closer together or at least in the same house. Don't get me wrong, my family and extended family are all well family. There is no feuding or anyone not liking another person. It is just weird to see all of my family when certain days come. I.E. Holidays and unfortunately a funeral. But it will be nice to see the family again, even under the circumstances. So we'll see how it goes.

The date on last Sat that went into the early mornings of Sun went fairly well. We had a 3rd date this past Wed. I drove to her place and we went to go see Harry Potter. For the life of me I do not understand what the hell just happened in that movie. So if someone can give me some cliff notes that would be great. In regards my date, OMFGoodness. hehe. She takes my breathe away. I have fallen for girls in the past, but this one is hella different. I see it in her eyes and the way her and I tend to gravitate to each other. I am falling hard for this one. I know I said I have to take it one day at a time and take it slow, but man, I just want to be with her everyday. We talk in some form or another every day. I just can not get enough of her. Any ways, last night was good. Dinner in my car, then a movie then a drive through Newport beach and hung out and talked. We always have a good time when we talk. We went to Luccille's for dinner thinking it was going to be a quick in and out meal. Nope. The place was packed!! So we decided to order to go. We waited and got our food. The movie started at 940pm and we got our food at about 840 maybe? With no places to eat, we drove to the AMC parking lot, parked, and just ate in the car. It is things like this that make me happy. Small, intimate, yet no room for eating food, no one could ask for a better dinner! Ok this morning it may have been the 2 hours of sleep that I received or the fact that I can not stop thinking about this girl. Well this morning I was overly happy and energetic. Not even slow drivers or people cutting me off got me down. I was happy as a clam as they say. I would just look at the passenger seat of my car and just smile or bust out laughing. She makes me happy. And I hope that I make her happy also.


HAPPY NAKED THURSDAY!!! WOOHOO!! Though there are no nude people around, that is ok. we can just image!! haha

Another Monday

Well I should have written this earlier but I was busy trying to edit text from a client's website. The back end changes are done, but I guess I do not have access to the ftp site for the website itself. So I am waiting for some answers from the client and our developer. So that took up some of my morning, plus I left kind of early to pick up my 2 nephews from camp. That middle nephew has a attitude like me when I was little. He was pouting again because I picked him up early and didn't take them to lunch. Maybe one day I'll surprise them and take them to lunch. I see a lot of me in him..its hella crazy.

The weekend was ok. If you read the last entry you know that my godfather/uncle passed away last Thursday. Well we, my family, went to my aunt's house on Friday to visit her. She is doing well but I guess she is in denial right now. She said she is mad at him for leaving because they agreed to not leave each other or if they did, they would go together. So to get back at him, she is going to do things that he wanted to do but never got a chance to do it. I think it is sweet but kind of sad at the same time. I really hope she can cope with this. She has a lot of family and friends that can support her. One of my aunts and a grandmother came down from Oregon on Friday to be with her. Also my aunt from Virginia is flying down here Thursday. It looks like there will be a funeral service this Sat. But his body may not be there. He passed away on the way to the hospital or right at the emergency room. However, since he wasn't at the hospital at the time he felt ill, the coroner has to do an autopsy before the body is released. Just like in CSI. We shall see then.

On Sat was my big date. We had a good time or some I was told. I took her to the Irvine spectrum for a movie, dinner and some laughs. It turned out to be a good date. I think I am falling for her hard core now, but again, I don't want to let her know since I don't want to scare her off. But taking this slow is crazy too. Meeting her in person just completed what I have known for a while after talking to her. She is hella cool and I really wouldn't mind staying with her for a long ass time. Again, time will tell. One reason why I know I am falling for her hard core, I keep thinking about her all the time and want to be with her. AHH!! It is mind consuming!! haha But in a good way.

Sunday, I didnt get home till about 5am from the date on Sat. Woke up at 9, went to go visit my friend at her store. Had her do some reike on my for my shoulders. Then went home and went swimming with my nephews. They left early around 5pm or so. After they left, I laid down on my nice bed and watched tv. I talked to the girl I am talking to, for a little bit before she had to go and drive. After we talked, I woke up at 3:30am...so I completely missed the afternoon. I guess I was really tired.haha. But all in all, the lack of sleep or the tiredness that I feel was worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

That was my weekend. I know there is more to say about other things but right now, I can not for the life of me focus on typing any more. Maybe tomorrow I'll post more.

Friday

Well the big day for me is tomorrow, meeting the girl that I have been talking to for a while now. I am not nervous, I just hope that I can bring the good stuff.hah whatever that means. We have been talking for about 2-3 weeks now, and in that time we have learned a lot about each other. I feel that with all this talking it makes us comfortable when we meet. So when we meet it will just be a formality. I can now have a real face to go with that beautiful voice of hers.

Today is not all about getting things ready for the big date..haha. It has been somewhat over shadowed by the fact that I found out my god father passed away. I am not sure when, but I got a call from my sister this morning tell me that he passed away. It is kind of odd, since I saw him this Sat at my aunt's house. I shook his hand and told him how good he looked. He had Parkinson's disease but on Sat he was shaking like he normally was. Hence the, "you look good" statement. I can always remember the time when our birthdays would come up. Uncle Terry, my godfather/uncle, my cousin Chris and I had birthdays close together in Jan. So the whole family would come over to our house and we would have 3 separate cakes for each of us. Those were back in the days when I was younger. Now we are so dang busy that it is hard for us to see each other anymore. Last Sat was the first time I had seen him since Christmas. And my cousin Chris, who is out in the gulf somewhere, i havent seen him since 2 summers ago. It is hard for me to believe that he has passed away. Is that a bad thing? If i sit back and reminisce about our lives it is only when I was a younger boy that I remember seeing all my family together. They had this dog named baby, and every summer, baby, the dog, would have a birthday party and invite all the family and our dogs. It was a dog party!! haha they had steak and cake. It was fun times. When I was over at school, they lived about 15 to 20 mins away and they asked me to visit or stop by. You, I never did stop by. I wish I had. So today I will be silent and mourn and try and find other memories of my uncle. RIP Uncle Terry!!!

Happy 4th....

Happy forth of July everyone, even though today is only the 3rd. haha. I really dont ever remember the 4th of July landing on the weekday. And you know why? I think it was because when I was in school, we would have summers off so all the days just ran into each other. Now that I am working, I am very conscious of my days off. Isnt that sad though? You work so hard yet you look forward to the weekend or the holidays that we get off. I guess that is because I am at a job that is a job. Not unlike a job where you really love what you are doing. Does that make sense? I think it make sense to me but I dont know any more. Ok I'm blabbering. I really don't have a lot to say.
I am still talking to that girl mentioned in the past posts. We are hitting it off well over the phone. She is on vacation now in Hawaii. Lucky her. She comes back this Thurs and I am taking her out on a date this Sat. I am not nervous, but the more I think about it, the more I get nervous. I know I shouldn't since we have been talking for a while. It feels, at least for me, that we are old friends reuniting again. I guess talking on the phone everyday or so makes one feel comfortable around one another. There is no, "what should I say" dialogs running through my head. That in itself is comforting. We can just sit and be with each other not saying a word. So that should be fun. Wish me luck.

Back to the 4th. Which is tomorrow and I have the day off. Stupid global warming. I swear the summers are getting hotter and hotter. Last year...or a year before that, it was so hot, 113 in the valley to be exact that it turned my normal pool, which is always cold no matter how hot it is, into a Caribbean sea. For those who dont know, my pool is like the artic. It is a black bottom pool which is supposed to absorb the heat and warm the pool but no matter how hot it gets, usually the top layer is warm while the bottom end is really cold. You can only last a few mins in the pool it is so cold. But on this faithful day, when the temp reached 113, the whole pool was warm. I would say about 74 degrees or something like that. Warm enough to feel like you could stay in the pool all day. Oh, my nephews and I did just that. So as I was damning global warming, this whole week we will see triple digit temps. And tomorrow is supposed to be 102 I think. may not warm the pool that much, but I am going to be pool side all day, or at least try too!! YAY!!

On a side note: I was driving down the street taking my mom to work, when we see this ambulance parked on the opposing side of the road. I slowed down since I had the red light, and I see this car, Cadillac I think, which hopped the curb, went through a brick and wrought Iron fence and placed its happy ass in someone's yard. I was like WTF!! that is some crazy shit. Interesting. That is all I have to say about that!! haha

Ok well the boss is not here today, so we may leave kind of early and go see TRANSFORMERS, more than meets the eye!!! WOHOO! it opens today!!! I can't wait to see it. even if it sucks, I dont care. I grew up watching these cartoons and maybe just maybe, my nephews will understand what we watched at their age was cool!! haha

I think that is it for now. I do not have anything else to say. take care and remember, do not hold a lit firecracker in your hands unless you want to lose them!! haha

WWE and Relationships

So this morning my friend IM's me asking if I heard about Chris Benoit. I said No. He sent me the link to yahoo sports and also told me that he passed away over the weekend/Monday. I read the post on yahoo. I guess they said it was a murder-suicide. He killed his wife and seven year old son then killed himself. For those of you who do not know, Benoit was a professional wrestler for the WWE and the other wrestling franchises. It is pretty surreal to see people you grew up watching passing away. I grew up watching him wrestle and a few other wrestlers that a since passed away. I, not looked up to them, but admired them for what they did. They put their bodies on the line just to entertain the fans. You can say wrestling is fake, well hell, it is fake, but there are moves that go on that you really can not fake. Like going through a table or jumping off a 10ft ladder and landing on something/someone. Or getting hit with a steel chair hard enough that the people in the first few rows hears the impact. Its fake but damn, its gotta hurt! I do not condone what ever happened to Benoit and his family but it just goes to show that these are real people too. Things that happen to real people also happen to them regardless of how unfortunate the circumstances are. I know I felt this way when I heard that two body building stars were arrested for murder a year or so back. I also grew up reading about them and how they sculpted their bodies to become one of the elite body builders of the sport. But again, they are just human and also have to deal with everyday events and good / bad choices.

Last night I spent another few hours talking to this girl. She is really cool. I really enjoy talking to her. I think she laughs at things more than I do. She also makes those same comments I do, where we just add crazy situations to events that would probably not happen but would be funny. Lets see, for instance we were talking about how I had to over come some obstacles to get to know her, like her father or her older brother or her friends. So we were talking about making a t-shirt that said, "Climbing Mt. Everest with my bare feet." Sure it may not sound funny but it is one of those, "you had to be there" moments. We are very similar I have found out. Things that she does or wants to do, I find myself doing it or wanting to do it. Its very very crazy. I think I am falling for her, but again like I said, I have to take it slow. It is in my nature to fall fast for girls so I want to take it slow to make things go right. She is definitely worth getting to know. I just don't want to say anything to crazy to make her think I am crazy and drive her away. So we shall see what happens! Wish me luck!!

Look into my Soul

One thing that I have noticed about myself this week is that I tend to fall for girls in an instant. I'll talk with a girl, get to know her and BAMM!! Feelings come up and thats all I can think about is her. I am in that mood right now. I starting talking to this girl yesterday via emails. Then last night we started to talk. It was a good talk. Just about who we were, what we like and dislike. It was a good 4 hour convo. Im paying for it now since I cant keep my flippin eyes open but that is ok. Any way, so yah, in those 4 hours I realized that she was a person that was worth getting to know. I wouldnt mind. I dont know how she feels. Hopefully the same. I dont want to rush into anything, but I guess my feelings already have a head start. I just have to chill and see where things go. But its hard. She caught my attention from the start and it is hard to not think about it. So wish me luck. Let us see how far the rabbit hole really goes.

Thinking back on things.....

"Regrets, Ive had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption." - Frank Sinatra



Ive made mistakes in the past. Done things without thinking them through. But I have also done things with thinking them through, thinking that they were the best option at that time. and after all that is said and done, you know you were wrong. How do you go and fix that mistake? Or can you? can you go back to before you made that mistake? I dont really think you can. You can only build from what has happened in the past and move forward.

I say this not because I am lonely or sad, but because I miss what I have had and I want it back. For reasons only I know, I made the hard decision to break up with a wonderful, caring and beautiful lady. and ever since that day, I have had not one day go past that I have not thought about her. I think about her smile, her beautiful captivating eyes. The smell of her as she moves past you. I want that back, but I dont know if I will ever get back. I talk to her, not on the phone but on-line, for I cant even get myself to call her. I'm just weird like that. I just dont know what to do. I can go on with my life as if nothing has happened. I have done it before. but this is different. I just can not put into words or even fathom what is really going on. So i leave with the rest of the song...

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, Ill say it clear,
Ill state my case, of which Im certain.

Ive lived a life thats full.
Ive traveled each and evry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, Ive had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, Im sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

Ive loved, Ive laughed and cried.
Ive had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!